Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
well you can't waste a boner
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize