Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize