I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
