all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
