i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
