told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
