my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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