He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
