Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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