I look better un-naked...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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