I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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