bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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