hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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