Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
