I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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