I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
