A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
