just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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