fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
