so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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