once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
