I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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