Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
