Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
