help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
