we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize