Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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