five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
