My first STD was from a foam party
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
