Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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