so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
