Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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