I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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