There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize