Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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