Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
