A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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