My friends, they love my intelligence
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize