and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
