well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
