I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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