You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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