Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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