We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
