I wish I could punch you in the face.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
