The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
