Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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