OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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