I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Reggie can tackle my bush.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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