Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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