You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think your dad took our porno
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
