Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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