as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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