I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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