my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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