Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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