you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
