he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
