you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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