I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
