My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize