You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's just like the Real World with babies
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
