Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
