i would punch a child for taco bell
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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