quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
being pregnant is like rehab
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize