i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
