One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
