I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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