Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
