I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we should paint friendship bongs
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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