24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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