If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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