Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
